Third Annual Beast Wars Awards
by Techbot27867
Summary: Rated "R" only because.....


Third Annual Beast Wars Awards  
Co-authored by Techbot27867 and Hounds of War  
Editing by Hounds of War  
  
~*~  
  
*Author'sNote: If you are new to reading my work, I assure you that you will greatly enjoy it. If you have read my work before, you know that I start out with a big, fat lie. And that my work isn't really that funny, its just a big, perverted, rip-off. SO, if you are going to bitch about how immature I am, good for you! If you enjoy incredibly messed up work, read on. If not............THE DARK DOORHANDLE COMMANDS YOU!!!!! (drools blood). Oh, and the last story, "The Worst Story Ever", was a real story, but I got writer's block sooo bad that I got angry and messed with it...turns out that people actually bothered to read it. Anyways, R&R this one!!!!  
  
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Rhinox: OK, OK, settle down. We will start in a second.  
  
Cheetor: I got nominated!  
  
Rattrap: We all did stupid! Besides, we have to perform a raw comedy act.  
  
Optimus Primal: Damn........it.  
  
Airazor: It should not be that hard.  
  
Rattrap: Yeah, all you have to do is sing. (Cowers in fear of what he just said.)  
  
Optimus Prime: Hey! I got a pass!  
  
Rattrap: From who?!  
  
Rhinox: (Onstage/peering behind curtain) Hurry up and get ready guys! We've got five minutes! Those guys from Comedy Central are really getting pissy!  
  
Rattrap: Tell them to bite me. Speaking of bite me...  
  
Black Arachnia: BITEMEBITEME!  
  
Silverbolt: Yes!  
  
Onstage... Rhinox:(loudly) And now... the 3rd annual Beast Wars Awards!  
  
Comedy Central Corwd: Yeah! Go!...  
  
Rhinox: As you know, before award presentations, our guys must put on a comedy act. So, first up...(reads card) is... Cheetor?  
  
Comedy Central Crowd: YEAH!  
  
Rhinox: Save it.  
  
Cheetor: (curtain rises) Hello people! (Curtain falls)  
  
Comedy Central Crowd: YEAH!  
  
Rattrap:(Peering from behind curtain) Not a bad start!  
  
Cheetor: For those who don't know, I am the stupid kid of the bunch.  
  
Comedy Central Crowd: YEAH!  
  
Cheetor: *twich* I also have a little problem with everyone calling me that...... *twich*  
  
Rattrap: Uh-oh, we're losing him!  
  
Tarantulas: Going, going...  
  
Cheetor: So please, save your comments to the end.  
  
A-hole in crowd: BOOOOOO!  
  
Cheetor: *twich* Anyway I recieved my first car recently...  
  
CCC: Yay!  
  
Cheetor: Don't cheer, I'm having problems already. One day, when I was starting it to go somewhere, can't possibly remember where, I tried to turn it on, but it didn't start. I tried again, same result. I asked Rhinox to jumpstart it. He tried, but to no avail. So I dragged it to the Predacon repair bay, where the protohumans are being enslaved. I waited awhile, but (This is about where the editor kicked in...)*twitch* what the hell? They filled my engine with water and got oil on my monkey sheet!!  
  
CCC: ????  
  
A-hole in crowd: Hah ha! Looseerr!  
  
Tarantulas: ....gone....  
  
Rattrap: Damn it...hmmm....  
  
Cheetor: *twitch* WELL SHIT YOU TRY SLEEPING NEXT TO THESE TWO!! (presses button, screen shows Blackarachnia's dressing room through a hidden camera)  
  
Blackarachnia: Oh yes! OH YES!  
  
Silverbolt: Ah ah ah AH!!!! *splat!* Ah shit, how the hell am I gonna get wipe this off?  
  
Blackarachnia: I know a few ways.....  
  
Cheetor: YOU SEE?!? YOU F**KING SEE??!?!??!! I'LL KILL YOU!!! I'LL KILL YOU A-*ratttattat* *thud*  
  
Rhinox: *single chaingun chamber smoking* You owe me ten bucks.  
  
Rattrap: Damn! This is the last time I bet on killing Cheetor.  
  
Optimus Primal: Damn.......it.  
  
Rhinox: Moving right along.......our winner in the "Crazy Troubled Teenage Transmetal Robot-Animal Thing" is............Quickstrike!  
  
Everyone: Who da?  
  
Rhinox: For the past seven years you have been claiming that Quickstrike is sixteen years old!  
  
Publicist: My client had to get work!  
  
CCC (now comprised only of bones and raw, smells meat strips): Brains....we need brains.......  
  
Rhinox: Pipe down. The award for "Best Canine-Eagle Transformer" goes to.......Silverbolt!  
  
Some WWII German soldier getting ripped to shreds by a zombie: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
  
Rolf: Hans! Did you hear that?  
  
Hans : Ja! And I wish I hadn't!  
  
Rudolf : Where did they come from?  
  
Rhinox: Uh-huh. *starts reloading his chaingun*  
  
Cheetor: You're supposed to be from Return to Castle Wolfenstein?* --- *Author's note: BUY THE GAME BUY THE GAME BUY THE GAME PUDDING FAT SHAVING CREAM!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Hounds of War: You're all idiots. --- Rattrap: Aha!  
  
Airazor: Shut the hell up! We're not supposed to promote stuff......If we do, we have to show those Olive Garden commercials that have been tainted by the..... *sigh* Creamy Chicken Alfraedo, only $5.99.  
  
Cheetor: You want the door to the right----ahh!*ratatatatat**splurk*  
  
Rhinox: (Chaingun smoking) Aha!  
  
Rolf: Thank you.... I think...  
  
Rhinox: OK, Silverbolt. Cheer, you win the next award, now go away.  
  
Silverbolt: Ah ah AH!! *splat!* I've.....never.......been......so.........happy..........  
  
Blackarachnia: Say what?!?  
  
Silverbolt: I mean...........let's do it on the coffee table. Again.  
  
Rattrap: (spits out coffee)  
  
Tarantulas: (licks it up)  
  
Rhinox:.................Security!  
  
Optimus: Damn................................it.  
  
Rhinox: Perfect. And now the best part of the awards show, the part that honors me! Rhinox, the best Transformer ever!!!  
  
Teenage Girl: We love you Rhinox!  
  
Rhinox (waving at the crowd): Thank you, thank you.  
  
Cheetor:........wait.........I'm..............not.........de-*BAM*  
  
Rhinox (second chamber smoking): Thank you, thank you! (To garbagemen) Recycle him. No need to waste good metal.  
  
Cheetor: i WiLl ReTuRn! As a .... oh crap...no... stupid writers!  
  
WILL CHEETOR RETURN AS A PRINGLES CAN? WILL RHINOX EVER GET LAID? DID THEY REALLY DO IT ON THE COFFEE TABLE? CAN OPTIMUS LEARN MORE WORDS THAN "DAMN" OR "IT"? WE PROBALLY WON'T ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS, BUT STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE OF DRAGONBALL Z.  
  
OR YOU COULD READ OUR NEXT CHAPTER AND FIND OUT.  
  
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Techbot: Damn! This was meant to be a good fiction! A serious work of comedy!  
  
Hounds of War: Yep. Shit happens.  
  
~*~  
  
Next Chapter: SCREW YOU TAX PAYER!  
  
OR: A MILLION MONKEY DICKS CANNOT EQUAL A PICKLE  
  
Techbot: That was his idea. 


End file.
